I guess there are days when I think my life is great and couldn't be better and then I have my days when I think-- when did I get old and onry and fat and wrinkly and why do I have to do everything around the house and how long should I leave the christmas lights up outside and all those negative thoughts-- then I realize... holy smokes, life just keeps going whether I'm happy or mad or motivated or depressed and my kids are growing up and yikes, what are their memories of me going to be. I hope they see me as a fun mom who likes to do things with them and help them learn things like letters and numbers and music and games-- not that grouch who is always telling me to clean up and stop taking the couch apart and you need to eat real food not just snacks all the time. And then I wonder-- what are Clint's memories of the past decade? Does he think he married someone that is cute, fun, smart, talented, hardworking, loving? or does he see a critic, unorganized, condescending, complaining, aged, perhaps a little looney, frumpy dragging her feet mom whose forgotten about the loving wife part? No comment needs to be made, but I guess sometimes in my mind I am a much better person than I am in reality. Sort of a hard pill to swallow, but... so are a lot of things. What I am really trying to say is that life is funny. It is wonderful, and hard and full of ups and downs and I am happy to be where I am and I want everyone around me to be happy to be where they are too. Marriage is also that way. It has been a good, bumpy road. Good thing I like 4-wheeling.
I guess there are days when I think my life is great and couldn't be better and then I have my days when I think-- when did I get old and onry and fat and wrinkly and why do I have to do everything around the house and how long should I leave the christmas lights up outside and all those negative thoughts-- then I realize... holy smokes, life just keeps going whether I'm happy or mad or motivated or depressed and my kids are growing up and yikes, what are their memories of me going to be. I hope they see me as a fun mom who likes to do things with them and help them learn things like letters and numbers and music and games-- not that grouch who is always telling me to clean up and stop taking the couch apart and you need to eat real food not just snacks all the time. And then I wonder-- what are Clint's memories of the past decade? Does he think he married someone that is cute, fun, smart, talented, hardworking, loving? or does he see a critic, unorganized, condescending, complaining, aged, perhaps a little looney, frumpy dragging her feet mom whose forgotten about the loving wife part? No comment needs to be made, but I guess sometimes in my mind I am a much better person than I am in reality. Sort of a hard pill to swallow, but... so are a lot of things. What I am really trying to say is that life is funny. It is wonderful, and hard and full of ups and downs and I am happy to be where I am and I want everyone around me to be happy to be where they are too. Marriage is also that way. It has been a good, bumpy road. Good thing I like 4-wheeling.
4 comments:
Hahahaha! This post made me laugh. I ask Casey all the time-he says I haven't changed a bit. I have a mirror. I know he's lying. Or confused. Or he has Alzheimers. LOL Oh well! Life is good-super rewarding and dang funny if you just choose to laugh, right? Have fun 4 Wheeling. Is Clint the real Indiana Jones? I thought so! ;)
Doesn't every introspective woman think these same thoughts? I have really been struggling since we are having spring break down here. I want to plan the day with fun things, but real life stuff has to happen too. Life is such a tricky balance. I think it's important to have family and friends that remind you how wonderful you are! And, you are wonderful!
I can totally relate. I hope my family doesn't think I'm frumpy and grumpy all the time. Maybe that should be my name? Frumpy and Grumpy. I can totally see that catching on with my kids, so I will refrain from giving them the idea.
I think I'm going to smile and play with my kids more today. Thanks for the post!
I love honest posts like this. We're all working to be that positive fun person. I am too. I think you and your family are awesome!!!!!
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